People in Arkansas: They’re either duckin’ and coverin’; or they’re smokin’ a cigarette and lookin’ at the sky.

Jesse Schwartz

My Husband: Can I have the weekend off to catch up on sleep and spend time with my family?

Boss: No.

Girl that sucks at job but only kept around because she’s “pretty”: Can I have a month off to get a boob job?

Boss: YES! have a safe recovery! see you in a month!